When you talk about your family members to someone at work or at a party, do you use their names? Do you say “David, Cassie and Alexandra”? Or is it "my husband and my daughters"?
Obviously it depends on who you’re talking to and for what purpose, but we’d like to encourage you to try using names more often.
Why? Because when we use a person’s role in our life – as child, parent or partner – to refer to them, we tend to think of them only in relation to ourselves. The ‘my’ part is what our subconscious minds tend to hear, and we might be more prone to think of our family members as possessions rather than as people.
As well, when we think of a person in terms of their role, we think only of the aspects of the person that are relevant to that role. If I call David ‘my husband’, I might think only of his ‘husbandly’ attributes, and perhaps by extension his role as a father, but might not think of his other attributes as a friend to others, academic, writer, motorcyclist or whatever.
Referring to people by their names tends to make us think of the whole person. It also communicates to the people we are talking to – our bosses, colleagues and friends – that we value and like our family members as whole people.
It’s a really simple thing – although, like all habits, it may take some time and practice to change – but what we say and do in the world reflects what is in our minds, and vice versa. The more we practice speaking of the people we love, the more we will practice thinking of them.
If your relationship is struggling and you feel undervalued or underappreciated, call Sue today on 0439 294 532 for your FREE 15 minute consultation!